Article / The Beautiful Page
Updated 10/16/09
This opening page has a lot of action and little dialogue. To keep white space and a clean look, write your action blocks in as few lines as possible. I tend towards 3 and 5. The trick is to have this white space and still end up with 52 to 54 lines per page. Do what you gotta do, just don’t make it ‘look’ like a daunting read. Chances are if it looks daunting, it is daunting, and all the folks that need to find their information (actors, stage designer, director, lighting techs, etc… ) will spend a lot of valuable time mining the script.
As a screenwriter, you not only need to tell a compelling story that can translate into film, but you need also to create a document that is accessible. It is no different than an architect’s responsibility to create not only an aesthetic structure, but also a set of blueprints all the parties can understand, and easily find their needed information (plumber, nailer, electrician, roofer, etc …).
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Excerpt from my book …
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One thing to keep in mind. White space. It is absolutely vital to having a readable script, or ‘approachable’, meaning it is inviting to the eye.
White space is only possible once you have your brevity and your clarity down, and no rambling chunks of text stacked one on top of the other. White space is only possible when your dialogue is written to deliver background ‘harmonies’ to what the reader already sees in their mind through crisp, pithy action and slugs (we will cover Writing Visually next).
In short, white space lets the reader’s eyes float down the page, like reading a poem, or sheet music (okay, maybe not Bartok). If your reader’s eyes get bogged down in a swamp of text, they will start to skim looking for something – anything – important, and eventually just lose interest.
If your reader is skimming, something has gone terribly wrong.
Who is a reader? Anyone who needs to access the ‘document’ for information about their particular role, be it an actor or a lighting tech. And, should you ever venture in the cruel world of spec, a reader is someone who can move your hard work forward to the next level, or toss it in the can. If there isn’t any white space, and it screams ‘daunting task – story be damned’ in the can it goes.
The tricky part is doing this while maintaining a proper line count. Script softwares will do this for you (I personally don’t use them, and tend to bend and break ‘rules’, so take from this what works for you) but it is still the writer’s responsibility to get that white space in there.
Read my eBook, chapter 11, for more on The Beautiful Page.
QUESTION:
Alex – just trying to learn new things, not questioning you in any way. Why do actions need to be so brief? Whats your motive behind eliminating one word in an action? Just curious.
ANSWER:
In a nut shell, readability.
A lot of extra words means more time reading to come to the same conclusion. In a novel, that works. In a screenplay, it’s annoying.
A screenplay is just a blueprint for others to follow. A director will decide how to get someone from point A to point B, and the actor/actress will interpret the character.
The writer’s job is to tell the story as visually as possible with the least amount of words. There is room for fluff when you want to drive home a point, or embellish a character, but otherwise, get to the gist.
For example …
INT. LIVINGROOM – DAY
Sally is on the sofa, The doorbell rings. She stands, turns and starts walking to the door. She opens the door.
This is considered DIRECTING on the page. By describing every move, you are muddying the read for everyone involved. For a spec, that spells trashcan.
If Sally is on the sofa, and the doorbell rings, it is understood she needs to stand, turn, and walk. Leave it out UNLESS there is a really good reason to have it there, such as ‘She limps to the door’, or ‘she hesitates, then opens the door’. The ‘limps’ and the ‘’hesitates’’ will be interpreted by the performers with the guidance of a director.
The above can be reduced to …
Sally is on the sofa. The doorbell rings, and she opens the door.
This could also be rewritten like this …
em>Sally is on the sofa. The doorbell rings. Sally opens the door.
This version is chopped up by too many periods for the action it explains.
Action should be written the way you want it to happen. If you want it choppy. Write it choppy. Lots of situations call for it. If you want it seamless, then write seamless, and can the periods.
The second reason is conserving lines. You only have 120 pages at most to tell your story. If you blabber on and on to get a character to light a cigarette, your 120 pages will be used up before you ever get to the third act. And, your readers will be exhausted.
For example …
She reaches into her pocket and retrieves a lighter. She puts the cigarette in her mouth and then lights it.
This can all get chopped to…
She lights a cigarette.
The rest is understood, and the performers will figure it out. That why they get X millions.
Taking out even one word has to do with Rhythm. You want your screenplay to have a rhythm to the read. Action needs to move fast. Ba-bump. A drama needs to have a different, slower rhythm that fits the story. ‘’Over towards’’, as was written in the sample screenplay, is redundant.
In fact, on further review …
The WOMAN turns around and walks over towards the bath.
… can get chopped to
The woman walks to the bath.
Five words instead of ten with the same results.
Read both aloud a few times and you’ll see what I mean about rhythm.
To be hyper-picky for the sake of it, ‘’walks over towards’’ doesn’t mean she went the bath, only toward it. TO THE BATH is what the writer means.
(by the way, TOWARDS is used more frequently in Britain. TOWARD in the US)
The same goes for describing space.
For example …
INT. HOSPITAL LOUNGE – DAY
The hospital lounge has dead plants and lots of dust. There are cobwebs on the ceiling, and trash in the bins.
Jesus Christ! Wait, let me get a glass of wine and settle in!
Here is where vocabulary comes in. Find one or two words that can express the same thing. The set designer will figure out what to do. That is their job, and how they interpret the writer’s description will be based on budgets, action to take place in the space, and it’s cinematic value.
Also, don’t repeat what you have in your Log. If it says hospital lounge, don’t write that again in your action block. More reading, more time, more choppiness.
I would rewrite the above something like this …
INT. HOSPITAL LOUNGE – DAY
Neglected.
Hope that answers your question.
INT. ALEX WHITMER SITE – DAY
Outstanding.
alex, you are a legend.
INT. HOSPITAL LOUNGE – DAY
Neglected.
That gave me goosebumps haha